BOOTY
SKOOL DROPOUT (904)Booty is one of our tough veteran skaters who gladly volunteers to play "any position you want," but preferably against "any lil' nimbly-bimbly jammer that thinks she's gonna make it through my pack unscathed!" Her nature is no surprise to us, but it did catch an opponent off-guard a year or two ago, when she wasted no time using her skates (yes, still on her feet) to defend herself in a fight. Booty doesn't need good luck--she says that's "for pussies and the Irish." She relies instead on her skating skills, quick wit, and "my ability not to give a rat's ass about anything." However when she does, she prefers boys, beer, booze, trucks, and training with fellow Westsider, Andi Capps 'Em.
SPAZZ-MANIC WHISPER (80HD)Once upon a time, a big, bad biker met a German stripper. The big, bad biker knocked up the stripper, then turned her into scooter trash. Henceforth, Whisper was created! Caring only to play with fire and poke things with a stick, Whisper was shuffled among group homes and institutions, all the while preparing for an inevitable life in prison. But it was not to be, as the Jacksonville RollerGirls rescued her and transformed [most of] that wild energy into an unpredictable derby girl. And we wouldn't have her any other way. Rock on!
CRYSSY
CHAOS (337)One of our charter players, Cryssy Chaos is a lifelong skater who loves sore leg muscles, skate-shaped bruises, karaoke, and training with Betty Bustabitch. Sure, the opposition can see her Venom and Less Than Jake tattoos from across the track, but like a spider monkey, she'll be all over them soon enough. Cryssy's motivation, she says, is, "I hate everyone equally...just the same as Orange Park, rink rash, and my diabolical fishnet-eating vagina!" (Let us assure Professor Chaos that we'll take his wife's word on that.) Cryssy was also the first in history to introduce chemical warfare into derby play, puking on the track at an exhibition bout. Cryssy is better known in the league as "The Hammer," because she squashes any drama, just like an opposing jammer. This title was immortalized with a gold-painted hammer awarded to her at our last DerbyTaunt Ball. (Who gave her that?! Seriously.)
EVEY
SLAMMOND (V)A self-described "in your face" player, Evey Slammond fondly remembers her first bout with the Jacksonville RollerGirls, where she "felt nothing but love...and crazy hard hits." She loves telling the story of how she got involved in derby: "A man in a Guy Fawkes mask took me and about twenty of us underground, captive for weeks, and put us in skates. He turned us on each other...we would spend hours ramming into each other, until there was only one standing. After a while, we all forgot who we were, where we came from, and that we didn’t intend to be there. At last, we knew nothing but each other, and we became one massive machine: forever connected, fiercely protective and trained to fight together. When that happened the Man in the Mask said we were free, and sent us into the world as warriors."
KAT VON SKRATCHEREYEZOUT (13)Like several of our girls, Kat started as a fan, who immediately "caught the fever." However, it wasn't easy rolling at first. All of the other rollergirls used to laugh and call her names--like SmellyKrotch or Skratch-n-Sniff--until she broke her leg at the state championships and said, "Look! I'm Kat Von Brokemahdamnleg!" (From then on, we all just admitted we couldn't spell "Skratchereyezout." We also can't spell the name of her air band, "MaXXXy KaTTT in a flash!" which is why we just copied and pasted it from her personal profile.) Kat now has many friends in the league, including Anita Hardone, and her own personal "weapon of choice," Beso De Muerte. Outside of derby, Kat enjoys cold beer, Southern Comfort, burping, long walks on the beach, cable television, driving fast, rainbows, and "your mom."
NUKE (19)Ka-boom! Nuke is our official nuclear weapon of mass destruction. She is equally dangerous as a jammer, pivot, or blocker. When you come to a bout--whether it be at home or away--you will hear the unmistakable chant of "Nuuuuuuuuke!" She recalls the first time she heard that, she "felt like a rockstar!" By day, Nuke is an elementary school teacher, who first learned about derby from a fellow teacher and skater. She enjoys the friendship and camaraderie of the league, even if in the beginning it seemed more like a gang. But no matter how the rest of us act, we're Nuke's gang, and Nuke's class, and we're always ready to learn from one of the original Jacksonville RollerGirls...and our rockstar!
12
GAUGE (88)All aggression on the track, and a cage fighting and weight lifting fan off, 12 Gauge is "ready for anyone dumb enough to piss me off." (And words to the wise, nails on a chalkboard will do it.) She got involved in derby when her sister, Elle Train, attended a practice in her former home town. Always enjoying time with her girls, she'll go for a beer just as much as "an extra dirty Belvedere martini, straight up, with three blue cheese stuffed olives." In keeping with the fun we have with her, 12 Gauge's most memorable moment wasn't on the track...it was at the Highland Games Pub Crawl. She went inside to announce--over the PA for some reason--that her sister was outside, puking. Instead of summoning help, this attracted a crowd of fellow pub crawlers, who went outside to pose and take pictures with the now (in)famous derby girls and the celebrity vomitus.
ELLE
TRAIN (9 3/4)Elle Train first took to the track (cheap pun definitely intended) with the Jacksonville RollerGirls at the 2008 state championship tournament, but was not derailed after a full day of play. She started derby after hearing about a league in her former hometown, saying, "I think I can," and training briefly with them. Then upon moving she looked us up, and she's been kicking caboose ever since. We're so glad she cho-cho-chose to stay in Duval! Elle Train enjoys time off in the roundhouse with her son, Aidan. She dislikes drama, stupid people, hangovers from too much beer, and blockers all up in her smokestack.
ANITA HARDONE (NC-17)This tutu-wearing power blocker comes to us from Whore Island, where she was part of the enormously popular Sluts of a Feather live show. Anita saw footage of Booty Skool Dropout leaving wheel scuffs on an opposing player's face, and imagined she could have fun getting in on the action. Since then, she's been training with Kat Von Skratchereyesout, in addition to working on her leg wrestling and refining her techniques using her personal whipping collection: the most visible being her paddle with "SPANK" spelled in metal studs. Off the track, Anita's often shopping (and giving out complimentary spankings at Regency Square), or at a party, carrying a Captain and Diet without using her hands.
ANDI CAPPS 'EM (.357)Let's get something straight: if you're on the track, and your name is not Andi Capps 'Em, you are in her crosshairs! Andi was recruited by Booty Skool Dropout at the SOS Show Lounge (not that there's anything wrong with that...what Westsider doesn't like big boobies?). Together in the Jacksonville RollerGirls, they put the "fearless" in "fearless leaders" for many early bouts. Andi still fondly remembers the derby riots in which she's been involved, to which she refers by numbers One and Two. Yes, most of us were there. And if we weren't, we've heard the stories a thousand times. Andi's penchant for Jager guarantees a night of fish stories, until she blacks out. But it's all good. We love Andi, and Andi loves us...after fighting, wrestling, Hank, Hank Jr, Hank 3, boiled peanuts, mud, guns, PBR, UFC, and KFC.
GANGSTA
BITCH BARBIE (55)She is an innocent perception with a wicked deception who is all the sugar and spice and nothing so nice. This Barbie beast will gangsta lean in your way with the skip in her skate. Gangsta got started after Andi Capps 'Em spammed her via MySpace, proving that the system works. And to top that, her first bout was a very violent one in Bradenton (it's all part of the plan). After joining the team, Barbie found Whisper to be her "Juggalette speed queen" who also enjoys running with the hatchet and sharing the same joys of listening to ICP. When Gangsta is not skating she likes to pimp in her truck "Roxanne" and pump iron, or spend long days surfing. At the end of it all though, she always likes to sit down and enjoy a nice cold Yuengling and watch her favorite extreme blood and guts movie. The drive to be the best will always come from "anyone who doubts me!"
DEVIANT
BEHAVIOR (28)“I was looking for a cult, and after watching two bouts, I decided to join this one,” says Deviant Behavior, likening our nice, innocent league to something much deeper. When asks what she does outside of derby, she replies, “There is no life outside of derby. This is a religion. After all, we meet Wednesdays and Sundays. Harpee said she'd beat my ass if I didn't say that.” Whether playing as a jammer, blocker, or pivot, Deviant knows how to use her ass. According to her
COMPTON'S
MOST WANTED (11)Compton joined the Jacksonville RollerGirls to work out her issues with aggression--or as she put it, "I was tired of gettin' arrested." She has no problems with her image in the league, and frankly, we don't either, as she was voted Most Likely To Cut Someone among her peers. Again, that's fine with us, since aggression is a virtue in roller derby. Compton advises anyone who crosses her path on the track to "stay down bitch, stay down!" After a bout, you can find her at Monkey's Uncle enjoying some Jager and/or (aw, who are we kidding? and) Captain. The next day, she'll relax with some fishing and fun at the mudhole.
CHIKA DE BOOM (534)Chika, or "Wall" for short, was instantly drawn to the Jacksonville RollerGirls' lifestyle. She recalls, "Beer led me here, and I've been worse off as a result." As one of our veteran blockers, we all remember when Chika knocked Mossy Choak clear off the track, through some fans, and right into the bass drum of our live band! More recently we've enjoyed seeing her matched up against LaVoodoo, her counterpart in Tally with equally effective rumpshaker execution. After claiming the scalp of an opposing team member, Chika winds down by enjoying the keg at the after parties, then partaking in pudding wrestling, or watching rugby...Pretty much any sport involving violence, she's there.
BLUE-EYED HELLYUN
(7)Blue is our ticking time bomb who came to us "looking for way to legally kick ass--and although I am always in the penalty box, it's better than the slammer!" Sound familiar? Blue-Eyed Hellyun shares a lot with teammate Compton's Most Wanted, including first names. This makes it easy to talk about them, because their attitudes on the track are quite similar. All we can say is for anyone with a different color shirt to stay away from this killer bee wearing the unlucky number "7", who is just as comfortable using her shoulders and fists as the rest of us are with breathing. Away from derby, Blue enjoys PBR, surfing, jiujitsu, and riots. She dislikes referees, male coaches, and police officers.
NOVOCAINE
(78)Novocaine was discovered by Chika De Boom at Chuck-E-Cheese's destroying the Whac-A-Munch, displaying her potential as a power blocker. Although Novocaine's name suggests "a needing of anesthetic after the pain has been brought," referee MaXXX Power once offered a different interpretation. As the two argued on camera, MaXXX shot back, "Is 'Novocaine' just a name or is your brain really numb?!" Could be either, as she likes pain, but also doesn't shy away from larger players. Or in her words, "Any big bitch wanting to chase me had better watch out." That said, she dislikes skating in non-air conditioned venues, or around Tallahassee's "wall of pain." But regardless, after a bout you can find her still in her fishnets, with a beer in one hand, and nunchaku in the other. Novocaine has traveled the farthest for derby, taking her honeymoon in London, and practicing with the London Roller Girls while there. She charged the trip back to us as a business expense.
DICKIE
MURDER (6 FT. UNDER)Dickie Murder is one of our charter derby girls who certainly lives her character. She's not at all into unicorns and lollipops. Instead she prefers bats, grave digging, zombie fighting, and ghost hunting! On the track she plays well with others--most of the time--but get on her bad side and she will leave you crying for your mama (being a mother herself, she'll understand). Her favorite position is "on eight wheels" and her favorite post-bout drink is "straight up, on the rocks." Dickie Murder's favorite times with the Jacksonville RollerGirls are the BBQ's, her declaration of "I am the lobster--koo koo ka choo," and who among us can forget when she was stuck in a pagoda with Bertha McGertha on their way to see Killer Klowns from Outer Space?
SHILLALY
FISTICUFF (52)"Shut up and fix it or just get the hell out of my way!" replied Shillaly Fisticuff when asked if she has a motto. Works for us! Always on the move, Shillaly is a self-described "regular Martha Stewart at home" who enjoys baking, gardening, drawing, reading, running, watching Disney movies with her fluffy animals, and working as a "gym rat" (personal trainer). Shillaly came to her first derby bout with 12 Gauge, whose brother had met the derby girls at an appearance. And despite the girls' somewhat rough training together, the two are still friends, "plus 12 Gauge has the ability to hold me back when I need to be!"
ROBIN
CRADLES (18-25)As an accomplished jammer and pivot, Robin Cradles enjoys everything about derby, "except trying to get around a big blocker's ass!" Off the track, she loves big hair 80's bands, closing deals, making her kids giggle, and violent movies (a plus for us, but not necessarily in that order). Robin joined us after she and her husband were watching Miami Ink and saw a rollergirl being tattooed (imagine that). She mentioned something about wanting to do that, and the next day, her husband put her in contact with Harpee, his academic advisor. Naturally inclined to athletics, Robin Cradles likes lifting weights and watching or being involved in just about any sporting event, but hates people who take themselves too seriously, snuggling, and mayonnaise.
CRUELLA DUVAL (101)She enjoys playing pool and hanging out with her friends, but most of all these days, Cruella Duval is an up-and-coming derby girl. She and her training partner, Miss Pixie Shears, don't mind showing off her "beautiful" hematoma. It's the stuff war stories are made of around here. For her favorite position, she wrote, "Doggie." (We report, you decide!) Off the track, she likes sushi, movies, and "your mom" but dislikes spiders, cauliflower, being broke, and bad tippers. Her advice on that subject: "I’m a server, and chances are if I catch you not tipping properly, or demonstrating a typical restaurant-related a-hole move, I’m going to call you out on it and rip you a new one! Take care of your servers and bartenders!" We'd do what she says.
PHILA
BITCH
(215)Phila Bitch got involved after first cheering us on in suicide seating. In her words, "I saw it, loved it, and now I'm officially a derby whore." With a self-proclaimed temper that "sucks," Phila continues the Jacksonville RollerGirls' tradition of fearless blockers. She says she "may fall down, but she will get the [something] back up." So far, so good. Outside of derby, Phila enjoys reading, drinking (Jagerbombs are her favorite), and sleeping..."especially sleeping." She likes anything crazy or fun, but nothing funky or stinky.